Ed note: Po is the bubble blower four rows down, second column
Here are some true stories, facts and probably some secrets that I have been brain hoarding which carry no creedence. I've witnessed or been part of all of these, which is a study in the close proximity of celebrities to regular people who grow up in Manhattan. Always a blessing, never a curse.
1. Jonah Hill will eat 15+ chilled cocktail shrimp in just a few short minutes.
2. Keanu Reeves will not hold the door for you.
3. Kathryn Bigelow does not wear thongs.
4. Nathan Lane is rude to his driver.
5. Steve Buscemi will kindly deal with you accidentally putting salt in his cappuccino.
6. No one talks to Axl Rose at parties.
7. Jamiroquai once bought a bunch of sneakers at the Adidas store. They were all purple.
8. David Blaine passed out with his mouth open during ‘The Dictator’ after making some nachos disappear.
9. David Blaine can hypnotize you into giving him your phone number.
10. Jim Jarmusch loooooves hoagies.
10. Jim Jarmusch loooooves hoagies.
11. Sean Connery is intolerant of litter. [Ed note: and laws against slapping women]
12. Scarlett Johansen loves Depeche Mode.
13. Lou Reed will demand a cheese plate even if it’s not on the menu.
14. Lenny Kravitz is really patient.
15. Maxwell likes to order rum drinks from The Rusty Knot and take home the cool Tiki glasses. (Don't worry, he brings them back)
16. Joey Fatone will let you call him Fat One.
17. Dead Prez will not hurt you if drunkenly throw popcorn at them (I was throwing it in the air, not at y'all. Sorry, Dead Prez)
18. Janet Jackson did coke in the back of an unnamed person's dad’s restaurant.
19. When heckling a guy walking in front of you on the street and calling him a “Carson Daly mothafucka” make sure before he turns around that he is not, indeed, Carson Daly.
20. The lead singer of 3rd Eye Blind has no shame in hitting on you while wearing Birkenstocks.
Please leave your celebrity stories in the comments and Aviva will be reaching out to you about somethin' somethin'
Please leave your celebrity stories in the comments and Aviva will be reaching out to you about somethin' somethin'
Harry Connick Jr eats street hot dogs in midtown, just like regular people.
ReplyDeleteHilary Swank wears baseball hats while enjoying expensive coffee in the West Village.
Claire Danes is very skinny and has great skin.
That's all I got.
Claire Danes is really nice and if you meet her a couple of times, she WILL remember your name. It's awesome.
ReplyDeleteSame with Diane Von Furstenberg.
Ian McKellan ALWAYS has a bananas hot young boyfriend. ALWAYS.
One of the people mentioned in Po's rundown above is so secretly gay, even the closet is like "wtf, really?"
Bjork will totally stab someone with a broken bottle if she gets pissy drunk.
I gotta think of some others....
MORE PLEASE Saidah. Also, I know the secretly gay one you're talking about because that person took home a barback I worked with after a big fun night.
Deletepsst whisper it to me
DeleteIf you attack Jon Hamm in a bar he is very patient with you.
ReplyDeleteMichael Cera loves tacos.
John Hawkes chain smokes.
Jeff Daniels drives a toyota carolla.
Renee Zellwegger is a very stiff dancer.
Martika sold me pot in the '90s, after 'Toy Soldiers' royalties began to wane. Last time I saw her she was complaining that Prince was stalking her, as she weighed my buds.
ReplyDeleteLouis Farrakhan once asked if he could buy me a drink at Gladstones in Malibu. I'm Jewish, so I declined.
Carrot Top wears a black '20s bob wig when in Vegas, as not to be recognized (it doesn't work).
Nick Cave loves warm churros.
amazing
DeleteAshely Simpson will snort coke with you in a bathroom after her boob slips out at a Dukes Of Hazzard movie after party.
ReplyDeleteAshely? ha
ReplyDeleteEthan Hawke will not shake your hand when he walks up to you while you're sharing a cigarette with Uma Thurman while they're dating, even if you extend your hand to him.
ReplyDeleteUma Thurman will apologize for Ethan Hawke, after he walks away in the above scenario.
Liev Schreiber is very tall, but if you want to get somewhere with him in a crowded room, you'll have to lead the way.
Kirsten Dunst talks to herself while shopping for jean jackets in 2001, then laughs and says, "I know!" when you tell her that this is a sure sign she's crazy. You will walk away at this point, because you can't think of anything else to say.
Sam Shepard will hit on your mom if you are all at the same party.
Rob Thomas is actually cool, and is fun to party with in a hotel room.
Christian Slater is excited to talk with you about Heathers. So was Kim Walker, but she died.
Josh...great
Deletewill she do yours or give you some of her own
ReplyDeletePeter berg is an extremely competitive and awkward basketball player
ReplyDeleteMoby will give you herpes
Chris martin is very polite, especially when standing next to a rude cunt like gwyneth Paltrow
Scarlet Johansson actually glows
Lawrence Fishburne will roll his eyes at you when you drunkly tell him "Higher learning changed my life!"
Dustin Hoffman is an avid bowler
Q-tip gives wet noodle handshakes
John Leguizamo is nowhere near as good looking as Scarlett but he also somehow glows....not LAtino shine either.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteParker Posey LOVES chicken nuggets.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRyan Gosling will come up to you at a house party, extend his hand and say, "Hi, I haven't met you yet. I'm Ryan." He will be every bit as gorgeous, hilarious and charming as he is on screen. He will make you laugh by regaling you with a story of a Wurlitzer he purchased that once belonged to Blue Oyster Cult.
ReplyDeleteDrew Barrymore will invite you into her home, apologize for being super stoned, offer you a glass of wine and scold her boyfriend for changing the record you just said you liked. She will laugh and dance and be just as adorable as you imagined her to be since you saw her in ET.
Michael Pitt will be a good sport when he is sitting in the booth behind you on a late night McDonald's run, even when the guy friend you are with makes fun of his band name to his face and being a total dick to him for no reason.
Sir Ben Kingsley rides the G train. His fingernails are immaculate.
Molly Ringwald rides the L train and wants to know if Union Square is the next stop.
Uma Thurman will chase her kids and gets sweaty and disheveled in the park, and pretend she doesn't notice all the other moms watching her while pretending they're not.
Ethan Hawke and Martha Plimpton are El Perro del Mar fans.
Jude Law and Sienna Miller love PDA, dancing on banquettes and singing at the top of their lungs at Morrissey night at Sway.
Josh Hartnett is a super tall, stone cold fox that will make you weak in the knees when he looks down at you and smiles while he brushes up against you while trying to get past you at a crowded art show.