The Internet is My Boyfriend: Week of 4/15

It’s time for your weekly roundup of SIZZLING HOT GOSSIP. Just kidding I would rather lick Michelle Bachmann’s open eyeballs than report on the lives of celebrities. In case you are new here, “The Internet is My Boyfriend” is a safe space where you can procrastinate the work your boss pays you to do in lieu of catching up on the week’s juiciest science, news, comedy and art tidbits. Occasionally I’ll throw in an obligatory celebrity story to help drive traffic to this website. Jokes! Anyhow, here is what the Internet had to offer this week:

• If you haven’t seen this brilliant, yet extremely dumb mashup video yet please be my date to the Kristianne Baille party. (We are going to be very tardy – the video is two years old but since I just discovered it yesterday, it is brand new again).
• Ever wonder what it's like to have God rip your heart open just so angels can sew it back up with tiny rose-scented teddy bears? Then perhaps you should watch this Mariachi band serenade a dancing Beluga whale. Oh mother nature, what a glorious bounty you've given. We shall imbibe ourselves and grow drunk with your gift. A glorious bounty, indeed. 
• Whenever I’m feeling sad I tune into Rob Delaney’s Twitter feed and let his gross sex jokes wash over me like a gentle breeze. This week Rob charitably rounded up hisbest pick-up lines for Vice Magazine. Now all of you sad-n-single people can get out there and use “I am going to RENOVATE your butt hole” on a hot stranger at the bar tonight. Let me know how it goes!
• Excuse me Island of the Dolls, but you no longer weave my nightmares. This giant, Australian spider eating a snake while turning it into black acid is now the HBIC.
•  ”In her Tissue Series, Lisa Nilsson uses finely finely rolled paper to create anatomically correct artwork“
• Dear fellow honkeys: you know that thing where you’re embarrassed to be white because you are eternally associated with Vanilla Ice and everyone that acts like him? What if you feel shame for thinking Vanilla Ice used to be really, really hot? How are we supposed to feel when he helps a 9 year-old white rapper cover “Ice Ice Baby?” #KREAYSHAWNKONFUSION
• It’s an age old question we all ask ourselves: “Should I Check My Email?” Use this handy flow chart by Wendy MacNaughton to help you find the answer within (Gizmodo via Forbes)
• Fox LA telling us that Hair Chalking is “the latest rage among teens and twenty-somethings” is worse than when the New York Times did an expose on the death of the trucker hat back in 2003 (I sadly know 5 of the 8 people interviewed in the article). KIDS THESE DAYS.
• Lastly and obviously, happy 4/20! It’s that day of the year we all watch Friday, order pizza and do lots of THIS. (Ed Note: Dear future employers/mom: I don’t do drugs!)

Smoke ya later dudes.

(I said I don’t do drugs!)

Originally posted on LVMO

The Internet is My Boyfriend: Week of 4/8

 

Accurate portrait of the end of my relationship

Hello and hi. It’s nice to be back! I was away last week and have had time to think about some things. I’ve decided that since I spend so much time online I may as well just give in and make this endless portal of information my ACTUAL boyfriend. Like, no more joking around about it. I just ended a relationship with a really kind of amazing dude for reasons that are unreasonably out of our control, so today I shall turn to the Internet to wipe away my tears, hold me a little bit, and tell me everything is going to be okay. And then he will make me laugh and we’ll run off into the sunset together.

Here are some neat-o tidbits that mah boo has shared with me over the last two weeks. Let me know what you think. I mean, I am on the rebound so my judgement might be cloudy.

• Ever want to know what New York City would look like without people? French artists Lucie & Simon used the same photo filters NASA uses to create ”Silent World,” an apocalyptic series that makes some of our most prolific cities look like a set from “I Am Legend”.
• Please just make sure that before you go on with the rest of your life that you watch this gorgeous reconstruction of “1st of Da Month” by BONE PUGZ-N-HARMONY. It’s a fucking face melter.
• This expose on the sad and sketchy lives of the Ku Klux Klan is one of the most depressing and riveting pieces I’ve read since The Atlantic’s story of Shin In Geun, the only known living escapee of a North Korean prison camp who sent his own mother to her death. Gawker’s Hamilton Nolan is prolific in his snark, but he wrote this piece so thoughtfully it’s practically my duty to pass it along. If you have the time, read both pieces if you haven’t already. HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!
• You guys should totally go to Minneapolis where you can sit in a room that is so quietyou can hear your internal organs. So that’s nice.
• I feel kind of guilty about holding a gun to your heads and making you read about the North Korean Gulag and the KKK, so here is a story that will unharsh your mellow about a Polar Bear who chills with his best friend Mark in their backyard pool.

Hope you enjoy your weekend. See you next week!

Aviva