Y/N/M?

I think I owe you guys a more personal post. A tale told through photos, links, and words.

I don't post personal stuff because I'm not 11 and don't have the need to express my feelings to anyone who will listen. It's also no one's business who I love, who I make rad fake babies with or who I wish would scram forever (even though I soooo want to tell you those things sometimes).

But I used to post more about my social life which I don't anymore because as I get older it feels a little self-indulgent. Plus, who on earth aside from my family, besties and the guy I'm dating would care what I'm up to?

On the other hand, I can't just give you guys pieces of the Internet and give meaning to this blog, right?

I took a few days out of my busy Bravo-viewing schedule to go to the Toronto Film Festival (for work) and it was fabulous la la laaaaaaa. Of course I have no photos of celebrities, screening rooms, gorgeous hotels, insane meals and the city to show for it. Unless of course you count my friend drinking beer out of a toilet that was placed in a living room with a gigantic 3 ft straw "fabulous." Cause I have a photo of that.

Maybe I'll post fuzzy, crappy Blackberry pics and match them to events and pals like a good blogger should. Do you guys want me to start posting social bullshit again? Y/N/M?

ALMOST FAMOUS: Willow Smith = tiny Rihanna

Oh hai Willow Smith you little 9-yr old, how are you? Typically I don't FREAK OUT over cheesy club jams by people who come up to my waist, but I have to give it up.. your new jam "Whip My Hair" is the BEST cheesy club jam in the whole entire universe. And I'm saying that after listening to Gucci Mane's "Lemonade," Rihanna's "Rude Boy," and Nicki Minaj's "5-Star Bitch" on loop all summer.

"Oh nothing, just rocking the best metal outfit ever with the coolest haircut IN THE WORLD no big deal. I'm just over here becoming a friggin FASHION ICON"

Also, JAY-Z just signed her to his record label

Now I'm waiting to buy concert tickets for your first tour. Will you have tiny pink ponies escort you to your shows? Will tiny dancing baby pegasus fly you back to your magical lair of cute mohawked friends who know more than anyone? 

WHAT A CUTIE PATOOTIE xo

The Internet Is My Boyfriend 9/9/10

Every morning I wake up and read the whole entire Internet. Usually there's something about Pakistan, unemployment, the impending Palin presidency, and Burmese humanitarian atrocities that dominate my psyche. In order to counteract the pain that is life, I turn to the Internet to wipe my tears, hold me a little bit, and tell me everything is going to be okay.

And then he makes me laugh and we run off into the sunset together. And by running off into the sunset, I mean posting these tidbits to share with you guys because this is my happyspace.

1. First and foremost, some tiny genius figured out the most obvious solution to the world's most pressing problem: Life-Altering Oreo Dunking Technique of the Day (via The Daily What)

2. A photographer exhibited a gallery of photographs of ugly Las Vegas casino carpets which in itself is pretty cool. But even more interesting is that he found there was a premeditated psychology to the tacky carpeting that subliminally keeps people gambling. (via Wired)

3. I don't know how people find the time, but I do know how hard it is to draw a perfect unicorn on an Etch-a-Sketch because I spent the first nine years of my life trying to accomplish just that. Here are 25 Amazing Etch-a-Sketches (via Holy Taco)

4. No need to search for the perfect gift for those love anymore. Just get yourself made into a doll. A beautiful, accurate, totally uncreepy doll. BOO-YAH. (via Be A Doll)   




(posted simultaneously on Buzznet)

Table for One by Jerry Hsu

This has been a long time in the making. Remember Jerry Hsu? Lord of the Internet? Master of Nazi Gold?

We mostly communicate through BBM photos that he takes of people all over the world dining by themselves. I've received probably close to 100 of these and it never gets old.

Anyhow. I've been begging him to make a coffee table book out of his victims called TABLE FOR ONE. But now we have something even better. Ladies and gentleman of the Internet, please let me introduce you to Tumblr's newest...

TABLE FOR ONE

Happy Labor Day! See you at the beach later xo

Oh yeah. Oh yes.

I may not have voiced my obsession with Nicki Minaj on this blog yet, but trust my love for her runs deep.


So as you can imagine, I am ridiculously excited that she is going to perform at the MTV VMAs. I love me some MTV. Haven't watched MTV in 10 years outside of the Movie Awards and the VMAs, but this year they are really stepping up their programming game. Jersey Shore? Check. The Buried Life? Check. Will I be tuning into World of Jenks? Check. EVEN MY PARENTS WATCH THE HARD TIMES OF RJ BERGER. (don't know how I feel about that, considering the amount of masturbation jokes on that show). Anyhow, Nicki's promo for the VMA's is kind of bananalanadingdongsauce:

2010 MTV Video Music Awards

I made a gallery of her sartorial insanity HERE


I can look at photos of her "Harajuku Barbie" crazytown stee all day long, but my favorite favorite favorite photo of her is from her Fader Magazine cover story:

Love you, Nickaaaaaayyyyyyyyy

Wow my casting agency is really nailing it. Not.

Remember when they sent me an email asking for a chunky fat-ass lonely who has just broken out of her depression and joined Jenny Craig as part of her "NEW ME" post-divorce  mission? Spot-on! Welp, today I got this:


Your profile matches three criteria for the following role:

Gender:  MATCH

Ethnicity:  MATCH

Age Range:  MATCH


Description: IN VERY GOOD SHAPE, TONED AND FIRM BUT NOT BULKY BODY BUILDER.  PRETTY IN AN OFFBEAT WAY.  COULD BE CHARACTERFUL.  MUST BE ATHLETIC AND ABLE TO PLAY THE WORKOUT GAME.  HIGH KICKS AND SQUATS AND PUNCHES.


First off, the word "characterful" is irritating to read, write or say. But more importantly, what does "pretty in an offbeat way" mean, specifically? Define off-beat. Like, eyes too far apart with a flat nose like Kate Moss way? Gap-toothed beauty? Tilda Swinton pretty?


WTF CAN YOU GUYS STOP CALLING ME FAT AND/OR KIND-OF-PRETTY-BUT-NOT-TRADITIONALLY-PRETTY-YOU-KNOW-NOT-IN-THAT-HEAD-TURNER-TYPE-OF-WAY-BUT-PRETTY-ENOUGH-PRETTY?


But I do love "the workout game." No I don't.


I don't even fit either of the 2 roles they've sent me. I'm not fat or skinny, I'm not toned or flabby, I'm not beautiful or off-beat. I'm just cute and normal like 90% of the rest of the women on the planet. Leave me alone, casting agency (which I haven't been to once because I do not want to be an actress and the only reason I filled out a profile is because I wanted to do production on Matt Lenski's Kia hamster commercial and he made me read for a part).


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