Just got off the phone with the 90's. They're violently upchucking and couldn't really talk

Dear Raekwon, RZA, GZA, Ghostface, et al,

So wait... Wu-Tang Clan IS, in fact, something to f*ck with?

Yours Truly,

Everyone

Justin Beiber and Kanye West collaborated with Raekwon on a remix of 'Runaway Love.' Right after I listened to it I received a hand-written note from the trio telling me that they wish we were never born and produced this track so we could all die of disappointment.

I have another Jimmy Fallon thingy

This second JF tidbit is a story that my friend told me on IM which I have cut and pasted below:

So Jimmy Fallon is at this late night recording session with my friends' band hanging out in the studio and whatnot, and he starts obsessing about ...wait...this story is steeped in background info and it might not be that funny...ok anyway...

So he starts obsessing about the Talk Box (its an effect, doesn't matter), which Peter Frampton famously used on that "Live" album. Also, he had recently met Joe Walsh of the Eagles, and was bragging about it to the band. (btw… The Eagles? Who cares?)

So he goes, "Joe Walsh will know where we can get a Talk Box let's call him" and they're all, "Really?"

He's all set on calling Joe Walsh, mainly to show off that he's got his number and to ask about this Talk Box. It's late in NY, but Walsh lives in LA so he goes for it.

He makes the call and has to apologize for calling so late and explain who he is and how they met, etc.

Anyhow he's on the phone with him and goes, "Hey Joe, where can I get a Talk Box?"

And Walsh says, "You're in NY?"

Fallon thinks for some reason that this old guy's got some inside track to old rad gear for some reason...

So Walsh says, "You're in NY?"

and Fallon says, "Yeah!" all excited

and Walsh says, "Uhhh... Guitar Center? In Union Square?"

AAAHHHH HHHHAAAAA
HA
HA
AH HA
H
A
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A

Whatever- he was hilarious at the Emmys. I'm still singing "Drama." 

In Honor of the 62nd Annual Emmy Awards, here is my Jimmy Fallon joke.

(I wrote this in 2007 I think, but here tis, revived and updated)

For some reason everyone in NY hates Jimmy Fallon. Everyone says he's a big douche, but as far as I know he's harmless. I remember when I first moved to the City I used to go to Shout every Sunday after the Tinkle show with David and Sarah, Maya, Shonali, Demetri, Eugene, Heather Lawless and our whole big group of comedian friends. We'd spazz out in front of all the long-haired skinny rockers and their electroclash girlfriends who were all dressed like the singer of Missing Persons. White patent leather kitten heels with black tights and striped skirts ring a bell ladies? I loved those days.

Anyhow, there were tons of hot rocker chicks at Shout, not just dudes. And who was always there surrounded by those brown-haired Zeppelinesque girls with "the chopblock" haircut of 2002, stacked-heel boots and white lace Gunne Sax blouses? Fallon. Every week. And everyone looooved him back then, but somehow after he hosted the MTV Video Music Awards something changed.

The first evidence of the Fallon dissention (for me) took place on the corner of 3rd and Ave A. There was a phone booth there at that time that had print ad space, and Jimmy was filling it that month. I assumed he was the darling of lower New York until I noticed that someone had drawn a moustache over his smile. It started with that until eventually I noticed everyone turning on him, and quickly. Nowadays its taboo to say his name on the streets.

Anyhow, I thought it was weird that I never think of Jimmy Fallon much less hear gossip about him, then all of a sudden it's Jimmy Fallon Week on the Veevs Channel. First I heard a joke about him, next day I hear a story, then see him on TV last night before the movie. The next day after that I ran into Chrissie, A-Ron and Jen on the beach. Jen tells us the very joke I'd heard earlier this week and am about to share with you guys. Anyhow, here it is:


Pal: KNOCK KNOCK!

Me: WHO'S THERE?

Pal: JIMMY FALLON

Me: JIMMY FALLON WHO?

Pal: THAT'S SHOWBIZ!!!

WELL GUESS WHOSE LAUGHING NOW? JIMMY FALLON. That's who.

The Internet Is My Boyfriend 8/28/10

Every morning I wake up and read the whole entire Internet. Usually there's something about Pakistan, unemployment, the impending Palin presidency, and Burmese humanitarian atrocities that dominate my psyche. In order to counteract the pain that is life, I turn to the Internet to wipe my tears, hold me a little bit, and tell me everything is going to be okay.

And then he makes me laugh and we run off into the sunset together. And by running off into the sunset, I mean posting these tidbits to share with you guys on my blog because this is my happyspace.

1. A call to donate your body parts for consumption at a new cannibalistic restaurant in Germany is inspired by "the indigenous Brazilian Waricaca tribe, which once practiced the ritual of 'compassionate cannibalism,' or eating parts of the corpse of a loved one to emphasize the connection between the living and the dead." I smell a hoax but... (via BoingBoing)

2. No better way to impress the ladies at a party than by busting out your Criss Angel Magic Kit. WHY IS THIS DUDE SO CORNY??? (via Videogum)

3. The history of the word "DUDE." (via Good)

4. Some film nerd calls for the movies to stop being so, you know, ORANGE AND TEAL. I love the tiny genius who wrote this. (Abyss)

hiiiiii! i love youuuuuu

5. OH MAI GUDNESS GRACIOUZZZ a baby tiger was found in a suitcase. (via Treehugger)

6. Lady Gaga has approved Lady Gaga Halloween costumes. So definitely do not be Lady Gaga this year unless you want to have the same outfit as e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e. LADY GAGA IS THE NEW "SEXY" HALLOWEEN COSTUME, but  then again you can stop being a nursemaidcat. Liberty!

Trend Alert: SEINFELD FASHION

Oh good every hot girl will soon be dressing like Elaine from Seinfeld according to the New York Times. Does this mean that every cute guy will be wearing Jerry's mom jeans and have terrible 41-yr old preppy hair?

From the article:

The genesis of the look could have been those unforgettable images of fundamentalist Mormon women that dominated the news a couple of years back. But if you squinted, what you saw was a sea of Elaines.


A SEA OF ELAINES. 


Is this a total boner killer or will Urban Outfitters be able to translate the maxi dress and scrunch socks from the early 90s into something soft and waspy for the wanna-be rich girls?

And more:


Over the years, Elaine has stood out as a beacon of a faded era, in long floral skirts, blazers with padded shoulders and granny shoes with socks. Just about every inch of her skin was covered as if she were photosensitive. Unlike other 1990s series with a more easily imitable style (see “Melrose Place”), “Seinfeld” was decidedly anti-fashion. But now, if you happen upon an old episode, Elaine just looks cool — and of-the-moment.


As Jerry would say, "WHAT IS UP WITH ELAINE BEING A FASHION ICON?"

PS- sweet shout out to Lyz for sparking off this trend. Out of all my friends, she's always been my sartorial hero. (she's the babe featured in the top left of the article)


UPDATE: Someone just sent me THIS PROOF OF THE TREND which happens to come from my good pal Elizabeth Spiridakis who has an amazing fashion blog called  WHITE LIGHTNING. Get to know her. She's shooting Lady Gaga for Buzznet TONIGHT!


xo
Aviva

Danielle Staub Weaves my Nightmares

I know some of you may be disappointed to see me return to this little sharespace we call my blog with the following topic, but did anyone else catch the last episode of The Real Tampons of New Cray Cray? 

HOW DO THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE?


I actually have a theory. I think the producers have someone on the inside who works in regional management at Rite Aid. Someone who can get them into the back doors after hours at any of the pharmacies in the affluent areas in which they film.

To initiate the casting process, Rite Aid's R.M. lets the producers of the show into the pharmacy at wee hours to check out the prescriptions and rifle through records to find out who has which mental disorder and how high their dosages are for said afflictions.

For the New Jersey edition of this franchise I think the producers also went undercover and hung out in some seedy strip clubs until they were tipped off about which families were in the outer rings of THE JERSEY MAFIA.


I'm sorry but Teresa's husband has definitely killed someone. So has Caroline's brother, but probably a long time ago. They're too quiet. How ready are they to off Danielle Staub? Like, soon as Andy Cohen pulls the plug on the Jersey show she is kaput.

But before we talk Danielle, can I just say how much I love Teresa? She is the only reason to watch the  show. I love that crazy wingnut and her spoilt posse of pink satin doilies she calls kids. She's a good wife, funny as shit, and I'm pretty sure she has created her own sartorial genre for her children that no couturier could ever envision. It's BEYOND innovative.

Now. Danielle.

Oh what's that? You have better things to do than slob out on the couch in a furniture-polish scented haven eating guacamole for dinner and wondering if you had made better decisions in your life you could have potentially won Top Chef by now? Well let me introduce you. To give you an idea who Danielle Staub is, here is a quote from Life & Style via the Huffington Post:


Danielle is not only known for her vicious catfights on-screen but also for her sex tape scandal, prostitution allegations, link to drugs and legal battles with other cast mates.

Her face looks like it has absorbed the last 10,000 years of human tragedy and OH MY GOD BRAVO OWNS ME AND ANDY COHEN IS MY BOSS. Its so bad I even stick around for the Watch What Happens live after show and wait for his "Mazel." Before you judge - he just Mazel'd our newest American Hero, Steven Slater and his WWH guests have included Kelly Ripa, Anderson Cooper, Barney Frank and Kathy Griffin and Rachel Dratch. Whatever. I can't even surf past Olbermann without raging out on what is really going down. This is easier for me. 


Thanks, television. My priorities fucked up.

Question of the day

jesus christ how long does it take to fall out of love with someone you cant have? thought my brain sorted this out last year? i need a nap.

What is up brothers and sisters of the Internet?

Anyone I know out there going to Chicago this weekend for the big music party? Let's hang out. I'll be there with Yasi and my camera going bananas and going to parties.


Any of you seen Ratatouille more than 3 times? Let's definitely be friends.


Anyone out there think Little Otik is the most brilliant horror movie involving children that could double as a comedy? We should have dinner with other like-minded wingnuts and invite some artfags.


For the few of you who ACTUALLY care about my social life and tiny brain spasms, may I refer you to my Twitter feed. I'm mostly over there nowadays. 


Also, I really need a good summer read. Any suggestions? 


Yours Truly,


Aviva