Kieran Culkin is the new Robert Downey Jr.

KC hi-fived me at the Scott Pilgrim vs The World premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre last night. Wallace Wells would be my best friend in real life.

xxVeevers

Welp, might as well throw in the towel

This arrived in my inbox from my casting company:

NEW ROLE!

Your profile matches three criteria for the following role: JENNY CRAIG WOMAN

Gender:  Match

Portrayable Ethnicity:  Match

Portrayable Age Range:  Match


Description:
SLIGHTLY OVERWEIGHT WOMAN (NO MORE THAN 20 LBS.)
PRETTY, FRIENDLY, AND PERSONABLE...THERE IS DIALOGUE.
WE ARE GOING FOR A SEX IN THE CITY VIBE.


Clearly they didn't see THIS.



good times.

Thank you for this, Billy Silverman

 

so relieved to know there's a bow designed for when you "offend the ninja code by falling in love"

DOES ANYONE WANT MY DIE ANTWOORD TICKETS FOR TONIGHT?

Can't go. I ate a magical chocolate frog that has induced perpetual face melting.

Question of the day

This is how I feel about fedoras:

In the unfortunate instances where I see one that is slightly tilted atop someone's head I get a little:

I'm grateful the straw cowboy hat is dead. I'm relieved Juicy Couture velour track suiting is done. I'm glad Ed Hardy is dying down. Those are HUGE wins. But this summer we are faced with a whole new sartorial dilemma that only the walrus moustache of Williamsburg can top. It's a pandemic that has swept our nation like the Croc of 2008. I ask you this...

Are fedoras the new trucker hats? 

DISCUSS.

Tulummmmmmmm

Lysa invited 30 people to Mexico for her birthday/July 4th. Let's begin this journey with my cute Pendleton towel, shall we?

Susan and Keith were my vacation crush. Completely fabulous New York power couple. Susan is a famous make up artist and Keith heads KCD. Want front row at Marc Jacobs? He's your man. They have the most beautiful daughter I've ever seen. A tiny mermaid!

This Brazilian booty belongs to Daria, since you're all asking. 

Party Time (James) burned his nose. With fire. Long story. Below is Mark Dillon, one of the greatest people I've ever met traveling. The Italians named a drink after him. It's called the Mark Dillon. He flies down to Tulum so often he's become the fabulous, fascinating and incredibly nice Norm of Posada Margherita.

We swam in caves 100 ft below the ground (no exaggeration)

Moonmilk

More on the way!

I'm spiritual now, apparently

My new motto is 'Get the fuck out of my way.' If you're not making other people's lives better, keep it moving. (This is literally the most spiritual thing I've ever said on the Internet). It's honest though. If you're a mess get away from me. Crazy is contagious.

I had a grown uppy vacation in Mexico last week. I only have photos from Camille Irina and my cellphone so far, so I'll post those soonly. Party Time James is holding some epic photos hostage in his camera. Must hi-jack. Can someone go to Max Fish and grab his memory card and send to me? I WISH I WAS JOKING.

Being around Lysa Cooper for a week straight will change your life. She's already an inspiration to thousands of people, but being in her world for a week on the beach was like hanging with a hot Yoda.  While I'm waiting for all those pics to come in, let's talk about my weekends in Venice for a moment. I go to Lysa's beach house every Fri and come back Sunday night. Pretty much just lay out in the sun, eat at Gjelina for dinner, or veg out and go to the beach whenever possible.

The last few weekends have been spent at Venice Beach Wines watching the World Cup. Ladies, if you are not currently tethered to a boyfriend, this is where you should hang. Its actually kind of bananas. Nearly EVERY MAN IN LA wears some ridiculous item of clothing or footwear that renders them moot. Fedoras, cheesy jeans, all that shit (unless they live in Silverlake or Echo Park in which case they all dress like a Devendra Banhart/Cisco Adler mashup).

But these beach boys are all hot, seemingly normal, stylish dudes who are LOW KEY. I don't know how Venice has such a huge stash of smoking hot babes, but I'm telling you they are goddamn everywhere. They're equally as fly as those girls on vintage bikes who ride around Brooklyn and the Lower East Side in the summer. I LOVE THEM. Moving along, here is the only pic you need of Venice Beach:

TRUE

PS- my friend told me she WITNESSED Chad Ochocinco sucking his thumb curled up in a fetal position one night. She bolted up in disbelief and asked him, "Chad, are you sucking your thumb?" to which he replied "HOW YOU GONNA QUESTION THE BLACK MEXICAN?" Short Story by Aviva Yael.

xo

HOLY SHIT THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD ITS ALMOST BRITISH

click here>>CHILDRENS HOSPITAL<

Best cast EVAR? Clark Duke cameo? Scary Rape Clown Doctor? ROB HEUBEL WITHOUT AZIZ ANSARI?!? Thank you for making this, television! Now just give us what we all want, The Real Housewives of the Jersey Shore.

Love,

Veevers

Toodles

I'm off to Tulum, Mexico for my friend Lysa Cooper's birthday with half of New York and a good portion of LA. I hope you guys have a great holiday weekend. Crystal Camille Irina and I will be gellin' on the beach and mostly doing nothing. 21 other people are going, but other than Lysa I have no idea who they are. Fun or too much?

Either way, gratuitous pictures of bikini babes next week. I love you!

xo
Aviva

Billy Silverman, my hero

My editor at Huffington Post is also one of the people I most adore in real life. He lives far far away from me in Silverlake, but we keep in touch.

Today he is taking me to to taste the new menu at Gladstones with some Olds who live in Malibu. He takes me to beautiful Italian restaurants and private parties at the Hammer Museum. We also hang in dive bars and The Grove with all the regular common folk sometimes. I love Billy Silverman. He was a gift from Matt Lenski. Thank you Matt!

Meantime, here is a taste of Billsville:

He speaks like this in real life. My favorite thing about Billy is that when you ask him a question he usually responds in one of two ways. It's either "Who's to say?" or "Who can ever tell?" Occasionally there will be a good old "Could be" in there. Just recently got a nice "And so it shall be"...

ME: You gonna see Twilight: Eclipse?
BS: Who's to say?

ME: What should I drink? Beer or Jameson?
BS: Who can ever know?

ME: Do you like this color on me?
BS: Could be

ME: Let's drink these beers together while we simultaneously work and IM into the wee hours.
BS: And so it shall be

Tomorrow will officially be my first night off. I'm going to eat, then go to bed at a decent hour. Something I haven't done much of all week.