Time Announces its best blogs of 2010

Oh hey there. The young, hip geniuses at TIME announced their picks for Best Blogs of 2010 today. I have to tip my hat to them for choosing Pitchfork and The Awl. The Awl is not just my Morning Latte, with Gawker it's my crackjuice. I check Gawker when I'm in other countries.  Just got on the TechCrunch bandwagon thanks to my cute, slightly nerdy, extremely smart intern. There are so many amazing sites to choose from - The Unknown Hipster, Buzzfeed, Videogum, Mental Floss, VBS... not blogs but darn good Internettin.' Anyhow.

They also named a few sites that make me want to cry. In particular, they mentioned SecretZen.com as one of the sites on their radar. I wrote about the Worst Place on the Internet back in December when, via a curious clown photo on my Facebook sidebar, I was led down the rabbit hole to the cringefest that is SecretZen. I'm bringing it back in honor of the online editorial team at Time. Enjoy!

Secret No

That ^^^ is what appears on my Facebook Ads sidebar. May I ask why this would inhabit my ad space and how it applies to me? I mean, it's not exactly random. There is an algorithm that applies to individual users based on their interests, keywords in their profiles, and what kinds of links and comments they post. This means that I amSecretzen.com's key demographic. C-an't think of anything more depressing.

Well, once I got an Ad about freezing my eggs (barf). That was the day I discovered my mom works in the Facebook Ad Sales department.

I also need to ask why this service, which allows users to confess their secrets anonymously, would use a scary rape clown as their mascot? Do people log onto SecretZen.com to talk about their  Pennywise fantasies?

I decided to find out and let me tell you, clown sex is far less offensive than what they have posted on this site. It's much, much worse. You see, people confess their insecurities in a pathetic attempt at prose, divulge weird fetishes, and declare that they are actually whores, liars, and opportunists. But that's not the bad part. The bad part is that each secret is accompanied by a terrible, awful, cringey piece of artwork. I've selected some of my favorites for you viewing pleasure:

Just lean a little to the right

And your boyfriend does Nude Yoga

By 'clues' do you mean the ability to purchase socks that don't render you sadnsingle, sitting in the rain by yourself? Chicken or the egg, dear.

I hate 'liers' too. They never sit, stand or walk. Just lie there.

I realize from my samples that it seems there are only women using this site, but I assure you there are men who confess their shortcomings too. There was one guy who had his balls removed, bronzed them, had "what's the point?" inscribed into them, took a photo of it, scanned it into his computer and uploaded it onto this site. Because that is essentially what posting a confession on SecretZen.com does to a man.

What's your gross overshare? Send it to SecretZen.com and they'll post and highlight your secret with some postcard art. Good times.

A V I V A

My newest little muse Henry made this for me today.

What do you think? It's very A Different World-meets-Boca c. 1987, Y/N?

manohmanohmanohmanohMAN

I had such an amazing weekend doing absolutely NOTHING at the beach. I barely worked for the first time in months and my phone died so my electronic leash was broken- no one could find me. I'm staying in Venice at my friend's bungalow on Rose Street this summer and vegging out in the sun on the weekends.

We've had late night meals at Gjelina, World Cup games at Venice Street Wines, outdoor fire pits in the yard, friends stopping by in and out all weekend. I'm going thrifting in Topanga Canyon, buying junk and taking photos of the crazies at Muscle Beach, I'll eat seafood after a day in Malibu, ride bikes, watch the surfers, go to BBQs, and take naps in the garden. July is shaping up to be one long top shelf vacation. No one will be able to harsh my mellow this summer.

Meantime, Brendan Donnelly says it best:

xo
Aviva

Aviva Drinky

Man I've drunk-written so many deleted entries on this thing. You'll never know the stream of nonsense that runs through my noodle in the wee hours. Once I went on a tangent about Walrus moustaches on hipsters for 6 paragraphs before realizing the futility of my opinions. They don't matter.

But I HAVE been drinking Rose and beer with my homefries since the Cameroon v Denmark game this morning (okay well I started at 3pm, but the spirit of being wasted was with me). Anyhow, we're about to throw a little beach bungalow party in Venice and I have to go set up the food and start the bonfire, but I just drunk-wrote this in 2 minutes and since I never get a chance to talk to you guys, just thought I'd share:

CLICK HERE FOR INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION

(but really click here for actual intellectual stimulation. Johan Galtung is the Nostradamus of War & Diplomacy. Just bought the book. If anyone out there has read it and wants to do some heavy nerding with me, I'd love to discuss over the Internet).

Love,

RumpleDrunkenVeevers

The Internet made sweet, sweet love to me today

WARNING: this will only be entertaining to all music writers (UGH), all white guys in college and most people who live between Bedford Ave and Ludlow Street. I don't typically impose my personal trash reads upon you guys, but this is a comedy emergency. 

From Flavorwire:

Stereotyping People By Their Favorite Indie Bands, Part 2

11:28 am Monday Jun 14, 2010 by Stelios Phili

We thought no one was left unscathed after Stereotyping People By Their Favorite Indie Bands: Part 1. Fortunately, we were very, very wrong. Last time, we called out Vampire Weekend fans for their ever-subtle Pete & Pete pickup lines, but this time we’ve taken the invective even farther. (Well, hello, Sleigh Bells fans!) Again, in collaboration with Jeff Luppino-Esposito and in tribute to Internet genius Lauren Letoand her “Stereotyping People By Their Favorite authors,” we rebel against the misguided notion that stereotyping isn’t an awesome idea.

Black Lips

Guys who don’t get jobs because their potential employer discovered photos of them bro icing on Facebook.

Wolf Parade

People who throw a shitfit when someone suggests that there are too many indie bands named after animals.

Hot Chip

Men who used the cheat code to see naked, poorly-rendered 3D figures showering in The Sims.

Best Coast

The girl who tries to hook up with that same sweaty dude by bragging about her cat.

Toro Y Moi

Deceptively straight males who think “riding the chillwave” is a national pastime.

The National

Dudes who would rather play chess than Hungry Hungry Hippos: The Drinking Game.

Ninjasonik

Guys who are always worried they accidently impregnated their girlfriends.

Crystal Castles

Bitches who think it’s okay to scratch guys who misbehave. And the boys who buy them soy lattes.

Sleigh Bells

Chicks and dudes who semi-ironically aspire to “Superman dat ho” at an indie rock concert.

MGMT

Pre-Congratulations: 81% of College Freshmen. Post-Congratulations: Guys who consider the ability to store 13 pencils in their hair to be an evolutionary advantage.

Dan Deacon

Smelly, un-self-aware hipsters who wear mal-fitting baseball caps and probably attend SUNY Purchase.

Of Montreal

Guys who bought kaliedscopes with their Chuck E. Cheese tickets.

Broken Social Scene

People who fantasize about riding an eight-person, single-gear bicycle to the Brooklyn Bowl.

Cat Power

Mediocre-looking girls who put Zooey Deschanel as their doppelganger on Facebook.

Iron and Wine

Grown men who always get roped into being the DD for “Ladies Night Out” with their mother and her coworkers from Office Depot.

Pavement

Stay-at-home dads.

M. Ward

Lonely, chronic masturbators who end up settling for the Cat Power chicks.

Sonic Youth

Guys who mistake their blender for a radio.

Modest Mouse

People who expressed legitimate concern regarding the state of humanity when J.D. Salinger died.

Fiery Furnaces

Those dicks who still won’t smile, even after you acknowledge their apathy with the “Woah, don’t get too excited!” joke.

The Pixies

Dudes who feel the need to comment on how advanced Ren & Stimpy was whenever someone discusses their love for Lilo & Stich.

Belle & Sebastian

People who have ended their tweets on multiple occasions with #BringBackMessengerBags.

Dinosaur Jr.

Guys who refused to go on Xbox Live with Halo 2 because it eliminated the community aspect of LAN parties.

The Hold Steady

Dads who coach the baseball team, even though their kid sucks.

Feist

Chicks who”didn’t agree with the ending” of (500) Days of Summer.

Elliott Smith

People who felt really bad for Buzz Lightyear when he discovered he couldn’t actually fly. And think Toy Story 3 is a step backwards for Pixar.

Owen Pallett (Final Fantasy)

Guys who use the term “breasts” instead of “boobs” out of respect for their girlfriends.

Magnetic Fields

People who “discover” new bands via NPR.

Chromeo

Guys who initially used the word “bro” ironically and lost sight of their intentions shortly thereafter.

Panda Bear

Young men who know what a 401(k) is.

Neutral Milk Hotel

People who get where Christians are coming from with the whole “hope Jesus will rise again” thing.

Yeasayer

Guys who have proposed The Holy Mountain as an alternative to watching A Kid in King Arthur’s Courtat family get-togethers.

My Morning Jacket

People whose reaction to the Grand Canyon could be summed up as “Eh.”

Before you leave an angry comment complaining that we didn’t offend you, your family, and your pet enough, be sure to check out Stereotyping People By Their Favorite Indie Bands: Part 1.

Cinefamily

Going to the Silent Movie Theatre is one of the best things about living in LA. This is sort of like Derrick Beckles' TV CARNAGE except the carnage is compiled from movies instead of TV. AND it has the stamp of approval from my internet crush/morning latte, Videogum. Gonna be good!

LATE SATURDAY:  2Fast4Luv: An Evening Of Rare Gems, Seeds, and Stems with Everything Is Terrible! Saturday, June 19, 2010 | 10:30pm Co-presented by Videogum Everything Is Terrible, the website consisting of ridiculous videos and out of context movie scenes ripped from old VHS releases, has been hailed by everyone from BoingBoing to Time Magazine, "Best Week Ever" to Videogum. Now the demented minds behind the site have brought us another trunk full of newly unearthed primo footage!  The EIT crew has been working like pampered, over-fed slaves for the past year, bringing together thousands of hours of brain-boiling footage into one jam-packed jewel of an experience; as a sneak preview for their second DVD release, 2Everything2Terrible2: Tokyo Drift, they'll screen excerpts from the film and tons of other unseen madness along with a live, fully-costumed, fog-machined show that's been described as "a mix ofThe Holy Mountain, The NeverEnding Story and the cult orgy from Eyes Wide Shut all shoved into one."  Tickets - $10

Scary Clowns, Apes, Teenagers, and IMBOYCRAZY

You're a real bottom feeder, Q.

Perez looks like he just took a 10-day cruise aboard Big Gay Al's Boatride with Blanche Devereaux (RIP) and Pennywise. Doc Martens needs to sue this clown for defaming their brand with his evil yellow duck feet. 

He makes me long to be an old-fashioned old lady from an era (the seventies?) where people bit their tongues as a sign of grace rather than photoshopping cumshots onto paparazzi photos of Britney's bald head as a form of entertainment. I pity some of the women he goes after, like Bethenny Frankel, whose pregnancy was outed before her first trimester. She didn't get to share the announcement with her family- a big deal for most first time parents, no? Just plain cruel, dude. 

Perez Hilton you pink pigtoe, no matter what you say about yourself, your life's work is contributing to a vastly devolving element of our culture that is shameful. You vapid, doughy asshole.

I don't know how I ended up on a tear about someone who is collectively loathed by the general populace, but I'm on a family vacation which means I have tons of time to write about meaningless, aggravating issues like Perez Hilton and people who order filet-mignon well done. I feel strongly about this. If you're going to order the softest possible cut of meat cooked down to the toughness and flavor of a hockey puck, you may as well douse it in salt and A-1 sauce and eat it cold while you're in the bathtub. Why not throw $40 in the garbage and eat some wet pasta instead? Just as enjoyable.

Meanwhile, I am in Seattle, Vancouver, and Portland til Monday. All I did in New York was work and that's all I'm doing today. I had a short but awesome time there and will post pictures of my adventures Monday.

Also, I wrangled my crazy pal Alexi Wasser of IMBOYCRAZY into covering the Red Carpet for BUZZNET at the MTV Movie Awards. Also, MTV's Warren The Ape is going to live tweet from the red carpet and from inside the Movie Awards. Have you seen him? He's a PIG! All I asked him was that he doesn't use the F, B, S, or C words and I was asked if that meant that "cocksucker" was out of the question. So that's nice. 

Follow me on @Buzznet if you want to know more about the neat-o things I do for money (I'm the voice/only Tweeter (??) over there). I love my job so much it's actually corny. GO TEENAGERS!

Have a great weekend guys. 

xo

Aviva