Two Cent Movie Review by Aviva Yael

I'm presently feeling like a turd trapped in the 7th ring of hell, so to thwart my urge to write about what's really going on, which I refuse to do in a public forum, I'm going to talk about AVATAR.

THE PITCH: STAR WARS MEETS DISTRICT 9 + KUNDALINI (blaaarrrf)

I know that in internet time I'm chiming in 6 months late, but I just saw it Monday. We drove out to an IMAX 3-D theater that James Cameron personally recommended to Genevieve's coworkers at G4. It was 21 miles away in the valley somewhere in a dumpy mall the color of a Tabby's ass, but it was worth it.

I am not one to feel feelings in Sci-Fi fantasy movies, but I left elated. I'm excited to see how movies will evolve visually because of this. I also left wondering if I'm some closeted Cyberpunk who wants to live in a Utopian glow-in-the-dark-forest. I mean if I can sit through 165 minutes of New Zealand's version of Burning Man attendees who fly to Goa every year for a Winter Solstice rave disguised as blue reptiles with Jar Jar Binks' undertones, then you know it was good. That shit offends every single one of my sensibilities, but not this time. My eyes were too busy writing in their diary to judge anything.

 The Avatars were actually from the cast of The Beach

   

It was beautiful. Everything from the Banyan trees and waterfalls of the lush floating mountains of Pandora (WHOAMIWHOAMIWHOAMI), to the violent, spectacular creatures that inhabited it... I was blown away. And the floating jellyfish/dandelion seeds made me wish we could genetically cross-pollinate species from different kingdoms. Clearly there are larger statements about ecological issues, occupation, war and pacifism, but I went in just for the visuals, so the politics of the film seemed ancillary in comparison. Made the melodramatic acting, cheesy dialogue and cliche villainous Americans inconsequential to me.

 
Avatar haters need to simmer down and appreciate some good old fashioned hard work. You're NOT more creative than the people who dreamed up that futuristic land and came up with a way to colonize it. So, until you write an epic screenplay, get hundreds of artists and technicians to create it into something tangible, and make millions of people happy as a result, please keep it to yourself. I didn't like the characters in Where the Wild Things Are, but I wouldn't dare say that movie sucked (as SO many of my jaded friends in New York claim). WTWTA was gorgeous and original, and none of us could manage an $80 million dollar project for 5 years like Spike did. So, as my mother likes to say, BUTTON IT.