Caught myself being racist today. Not like hate crime racist, but racist nonetheless. It's not like I went out and bought David Duke's manifesto or called someone a meano name. It's probably much worse actually. I caught myself practicing a subtler, gentler, lazier kind of ignorance. You know the kind. It's what we whiteys think about but never mention to anyone out loud so people don't think we're assholes.
We all have private thoughts about how French people are up their own asses and Armenian guys are douchebags, Persian girls are spoiled and JAPS are sluts. But we don't say them out loud. Mostly because it's mean and unfair and we know it's just a passing thought. We're not going to go out and stab anyone because of stereotypes. Plus, we all know the people listed above and if we hate them it's probably because they suck, not because of their heritage or whatever.
Anyhow, here's my ignorant mess. I was talking to my friend Blogn**ger today and the thought crossed my mind to ask him if he's friends with T.A.N. (The Assimilated Negro). I didn't ask, but I thought the thought. Problem lies in that if they were white I wouldn't assume they know each other. Thought wouldn't have even crossed my mind. Blogn**ger is half Jewish, but I didn't think to ask him if he's buds with Eugene Mirman.
It probably has somewhat to do with simple numbers. There are scant ratios of black Pop Culture writers. And they both happen to write for the two sites I check every day ritualistically (1, 2). Nonetheless, I've never once considered Jim Goad might be friends with Richard Lawson who both write for the same websites as BN and TAN. Feel like a huge jerk about this.
Why did my brain go there? Is it because they're both black? Black bloggers? Is it because they're both hilarious, intelligent and make cogent arguments that are forty hundred times more articulate than anything I can deliver? Maybe it's because they both have huge followings of white college kids who wish we could say the same things they do but can't because we're stuck being white-n-polite.
Who knows. I just know that it's totally untotally for me to assume that they might be friends.
I want as much as you do for this to have a happy ending but when one* discovers their inner demons it takes time to sort them out until said one's brain no longer opts to take the path of least resistance - in this case racist thought - by nature. This is called trying to be a better person, and I thought I was doing pretty well with the whole kind, fair, and educated thing... until now. Worst part is, I respect these dudes and feel kind of bad about myself. So sorry Blogn**ger and Assimilated Negro.
Now please change your names immediately so I can be more comfy. Theenks!
*a moron
7 comments:
White guilt sucks huh?
I'm a HUGE BN fan! But I didn't know about TAN. Have to check that shit out! Thanks Veevers
You know what the ironic thing is:
Not only am I friends with The Assimilated Negro, I JUST finished sucking his black dick in front of my parents!
OK you're racist, here's your penance:
1) Fucking relax! Everyone is racist! who gives a shit
2) Learn to type the word NIGGER - what the fuck is wrong with you? The entire reason I created blognigger was to get people less uptight and destroy political correctness. If I ever see you write "blogni**er" again I'm gonna throw up. Jesus, you must have grown up in new york in the 90's - it's 2009 and obama's president. type nigger.
3) I'm not half-Jewish, I'm all Jewish. My mom is Jewish so that's that. Jewish enough for Hitler, as my grandparents say.
4) huhuh - you said "happy ending"
love u aviva
xoxo
the hand globe is so rad. thanks for linking blog nigger and the assimilated negro, gotta add them to my blog roll! funny stuff
Dear BN,
1) thank you
2) I'll never enjoy reading, spelling out or saying your name. I was raised by the kind of Jews whose hearts bleed so hard for equality that any injustice conjures up a Jewguilt so deep I can't say that word even as a joke. Plus, your name won't break down any PCs. It will just empower already racist yuppie assholes who will think its funny to read, spell or say it to their friends openly and get away with it.
3) I've never dated a Jewish guy. Pretty bad, right?
4) By 'happy ending' I meant that I hope this all ends in a hand job.
BN: i didn't know those were your parents. i would have surely, softly demurred if i did. But thanks.
also think i have some heeb in me, and not from BN. if that helps at all.
considering our *names*, think it's far from a hate crime. you might think some provocatively-handled gay-bloggers are friends too. all to say: more a muscle reflex of the medium than your racist brain. but knowing is half the battle. sharing is caring. other stuff like that ...
would say more but sort of in awe of the baby-ass shot i saw b4 this post.
DEAR T.A.N.
THE JEWS HAVE A.S.S.
I love you! I'm fanning out that you found my blog. Earlier I made this sound:
EEEEEEE EEEEE EEEEEEEE!!!
xo
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