This story made my dead little heart cry woman tears

Okay, not really. But I did well up like I was still watching the Olympics. What an innovative and inspiring invention!

TEARJERKER

I'm having a good week:

- Fri-Sun: Cabin in the Catskills w/dog and three cookin, cleanin pals
- Monday: Insane Tribeca loft "party" in the Bazzini Building
- Tues: Kuo birthday party at the Fish, Math family funtimes
- Wed: Dinner with Jay Johnston and Carrie, See The Virgins at Santos
- Thurs: See Lykke Li at Rose
- Fri: Overnight in Philly to visit pals
- Sat: Work on Crystal's video set doing I don't know what
- Sunday: Beach house BBQ w/surf boards and beer

Monday ends the funnest summer ever. I went to Montauk, the Hamptons, the Catskills, and Westchester almost every weekend for 10 weeks. Not bad! Ramona has something to say about that, which we'll post very soon.

I will try to put some pictures up of people you should sleep with or be friends with pretty soon.

Love,

Aviva

I'm in the Onion AV Club

Hey dudes-

I'm in the Onion AV Club this week. Check it out! Seth Rogan is the in the Interview, I'm in the Feature! I love The Onion and have been a devoted reader since before it existed.

ITS RIGHT HEREThe comments section is going NUTS.

I haven't been writing lately, so a couple of announcements. First off, Happy Birthday to Andrew Kuo! He was wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with Wildman" at the Fish tonight. You missed it.

Anyhow, wanna here some goss? Okay... SO!

Last night I got a good old fashioned prank call! I never get pranked, so I went with it and started riffing with the chick because I kind of couldn't believe it, it was kind of funny, and I thought everything was tits. But then on the way to work this morning I figured out who it was and got the cringes all the way down to my elbow hairs. Turns out its this woman who has been stalking one of my ex-boyfriends for three fucking years. THREE YEARS. One time he took a train to visit some girl two hours away and guess who just happened to be on the same train car? Or what about when he came to New York and she just HAPPENED to be here the same week? She even calls my parents house periodically and hangs up in my poor little sweet dad's face. Needless to say, I'm scawod you guyths!

Total bummer. Totally took the funny out of the whole prank call vibe. If I'd known it was this creep I would've just told her to scram and hung up.

On a brighter note, the best prank call of the month was the Johnny Famous vs. David Cross riff (on speakerphone):

JF (Brooklyn accent, total conviction): "Hey David its Raphael Bustamonte. I met you at Dangerfield's a few months ago."

DC (didn't bat an eyelash): "Oh, hey man what's up? How are you?"

JF: "Good, good."

DC: "So, what're you up to?"

JF: "Oh, nothing. Just soaking in a tub eating baby quiches what're you up to?"

DC: "Well I wasn't doing anything, but now I'm masturbating."

Keep in mind these two have never met.

And now, to end this random entry, lets talk about Squidbillies. I'm OBSESSED. The writing is genius. And the music. And granny. Its all amazing. Radical Axis, you're my hero.

Sweet lil Rusty shredding


Love,

Aviva

AVIVA ASKS YASI

My friend Yasi has a hilarious advice column on The Hundreds website. I asked her a question recently. She answered it perfectly. Yasi helps me be a nicer person. Read why here:

ASK YASI

xo
Aviva

By the way

I interviewed Lykke Li for a British glossy. She's fucking amazing, esp if you're into Bjork (which I'm not). Anyhow, I wrote this long piece about her and it got all chopped up in the edit. It was sent back to me with words that I'd never use like "gumption" and "magical" and other things I would only use if I were joking. Gumption is the equivalent of chutzpah, and no one likes a woman with either. Magical can only be used by Demetri Martin in a bit for Comedy Central.

Gavin McInnes is a Total Bastard

BUT he just had another baby, he's best friends with one of my family members, he gave me a job at Vice, he and Emily had the wedding of the century and invited 200 of their closest friends to sleep in a gigantic house in the Catskills to get wasted and make fake babies, and he writes stuff like this:

HATING HIPSTERS

Check it daily.


And to the people who keep asking me to update: I will. When I'm not being busier than fucking ever. So please shut up. Have you seen me out? Chances are no. I'm trying to get work done and projects going. I'm trying to leave town every weekend. I'm trying to be skinny and box at my gym. I'm trying to stop dating morons. So when I have the time to talk shit about people, post pictures of myself that are prettier than I look in real life, and tell you stories that make me sound cooler than you, then I will fucking do it.