If you're in the Bay Area come to my reading at BOOK PASSAGE. Say hello and introduce yourself to me. I'm a fan of my readers!
Details for the event are listed HERE.
There's a drink situation afterward, then I'm going to see America's favorite new boy band The Virgins at the Fillmore afterward. Hope to see you there!
Love,
Aviva
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thanks n stuff!
I just woke up.
My heart is pounding and I think I'm experiencing that weird affliction that hippies and moms get. You know, the thing that makes you not be mean to your boyfriend and prompts you to look old people in the eye and give them a "hope you don't die soon" look? My best friend told me its called happiness. I feel like I got a face lift and my boobs got bigger for no reason. I feel like I'm the judge of the Brainy Babes of Oxford Annual P---y Eating Competition. Whatever it is its really neato and I hope it doesn't go away too soon.
Anyhow, I'm so grateful to everyone who has been coming out of the woodwork and showing me so much love! The recent fan (e)mail, the strangers who want to make sweet love to me even though I don't know them. I had no idea! Thank you. To my regular readers, sorry I've been absent lately. I've been super extra busy on projects and would rather sleep than be on the computer.
Thanks dudes. This is really fun. There are many good things in store.
Veevs
My heart is pounding and I think I'm experiencing that weird affliction that hippies and moms get. You know, the thing that makes you not be mean to your boyfriend and prompts you to look old people in the eye and give them a "hope you don't die soon" look? My best friend told me its called happiness. I feel like I got a face lift and my boobs got bigger for no reason. I feel like I'm the judge of the Brainy Babes of Oxford Annual P---y Eating Competition. Whatever it is its really neato and I hope it doesn't go away too soon.
Anyhow, I'm so grateful to everyone who has been coming out of the woodwork and showing me so much love! The recent fan (e)mail, the strangers who want to make sweet love to me even though I don't know them. I had no idea! Thank you. To my regular readers, sorry I've been absent lately. I've been super extra busy on projects and would rather sleep than be on the computer.
Thanks dudes. This is really fun. There are many good things in store.
Veevs
Monday, June 16, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
BOOK RELEASE TONIGHT
Come celebrate the release of my book NO REGRETS. I'll be signing books and boobs.
* Special thanks to Lesley Arfin, Michael Showalter, Eugene Mirman, David Cross, Demetri Martin and The Virgins for their contributions.
xo
Veevs
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Who has Grand Theft Auto 4?
Dear You,
I want to come over to your house and pop you popcorn and buy you beer and screen your calls and return your texts so you don't have to move or get up or do anything other than play Grand Theft Auto 4 in front of my face.
Reason #1: It never gets old. I used to sit for hours at a time and watch my cousin play Vice City until he would start shaking and complain about his eyesight. He'd be like 'I can't do this anymore its worse than Tetris' and I'd be like 'Pleeeeaaaassseee just do one more task' and he'd be like 'god damnit'' and I'd be like 'Aws!' and we'd sit there for two more hours. One time we played for 8 hours (not cool).
Reason # 2: I'm in it! I play two characters. One is a street walker who says lewd things like 'who do I gotta blow to get outta this mess?' They tried to make me have a Puerto Rican accent but I was nervous so I went the Rosie Perez route and the director hated it. I also play a big fat Jewish girl who says things like 'Scuse me, sorry. Must be the weight.' Either way, I got typecast. Just kidding family! Everyone knows Jewish girls aren't easy (cough, cough).
Anyhow, if you want me to sit and stare at your TV for half a day/night until the revenge you seek has been sought, I'm all yours.
xo
Aviva
I want to come over to your house and pop you popcorn and buy you beer and screen your calls and return your texts so you don't have to move or get up or do anything other than play Grand Theft Auto 4 in front of my face.
Reason #1: It never gets old. I used to sit for hours at a time and watch my cousin play Vice City until he would start shaking and complain about his eyesight. He'd be like 'I can't do this anymore its worse than Tetris' and I'd be like 'Pleeeeaaaassseee just do one more task' and he'd be like 'god damnit'' and I'd be like 'Aws!' and we'd sit there for two more hours. One time we played for 8 hours (not cool).
Reason # 2: I'm in it! I play two characters. One is a street walker who says lewd things like 'who do I gotta blow to get outta this mess?' They tried to make me have a Puerto Rican accent but I was nervous so I went the Rosie Perez route and the director hated it. I also play a big fat Jewish girl who says things like 'Scuse me, sorry. Must be the weight.' Either way, I got typecast. Just kidding family! Everyone knows Jewish girls aren't easy (cough, cough).
Anyhow, if you want me to sit and stare at your TV for half a day/night until the revenge you seek has been sought, I'm all yours.
xo
Aviva
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
My book on HOWARD STERN TODAY!
Howard Stern knows my name! Unfortunately, he thinks I'm a dude. Listen to the audio clip:
Buy a copy! Its funny n stuff!
Order the book by clicking HERE
If you're in NY or LA I will post my book parties and you are all invited! I'll keep you posted. Look for interviews and blurbs in Nylon, Paper, Maxim, Radar, Vice, Entertainment Weekly, SPIN, Blender, Playboy, Complex... and more to come.
xo
Aviva
Buy a copy! Its funny n stuff!
Order the book by clicking HERE
If you're in NY or LA I will post my book parties and you are all invited! I'll keep you posted. Look for interviews and blurbs in Nylon, Paper, Maxim, Radar, Vice, Entertainment Weekly, SPIN, Blender, Playboy, Complex... and more to come.
xo
Aviva
Aviva on Style.com
Read my interview with Style.com to learn more about my tattoo safari across the country (and all the way to Thailand!): HERE
You can also read an inaccurate, exaggerated, weirdly edited interview where the guy puts words in my mouth (I never went to a biker bar or told him what my idea of a bad tattoo is- nix the Tony Danza Dolphin statement): HERE
And here is a mention we got in my Daily Bible: HERE
xo
Aviva
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
RADAR
GAWKER
VICE
COMPLEX
THE MIRROR (UK)
URBANOUTFITTERS
NEEDLED
THE TRIBUNE
HEATWORLD (UK)
You can also read an inaccurate, exaggerated, weirdly edited interview where the guy puts words in my mouth (I never went to a biker bar or told him what my idea of a bad tattoo is- nix the Tony Danza Dolphin statement): HERE
And here is a mention we got in my Daily Bible: HERE
xo
Aviva
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
RADAR
GAWKER
VICE
COMPLEX
THE MIRROR (UK)
URBANOUTFITTERS
NEEDLED
THE TRIBUNE
HEATWORLD (UK)
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Inner Circle Report: Birthdays
First up: David
DAMN, you OLD now Letroy! Good thing your mom doesn't have a mere crease much less a wrinkle. I mean look at your blackass. You tan into another race and not one tiny crows foot. I predict graceful aging for you my friend.
Sephardic Jews are lucky because their swarthy, olive-oil infused skin has learned to withstand thousands of years under the sun as merchants on the Iberian Peninsula. An Ashkenazi Jew, on the other hand, will age into a blue-tinged sack of potatoes. Note to all possible future boyfriends: I will not suffer from this race-wide affliction. I know because I watch my mother like a hawk.
Moving along, I organized a last minute birthday party at David's favorite bar in all of Manhattan: 2A. I think he likes it because its the closest bar to his house and its never a scene. Once the kids with creative sunglasses discover a bar it turns into a sack of shit. Other East Village dives you can hide in include the Cherry Tavern, Doc Holiday's and the Tile Bar. The Magician sucks too, so you and your pals can enjoy pint-sharing without being forced to read ironically t-shirted tits. That's OUR job, thank you! (see below)
Look at that happy birthday face! And those ironically t-shirted tits!
Gavin is David's mancrush
Carrie and Miriam both live in the same building as David. Way back when America's Next Top Model was new and exciting trashy television, we'd have ANTM parties at David's on his poker night. More like chick chat sesh night! On a side note, Carrie has THE BEST parties. Most recently she had an Ice Cream Social, which is the best vibe ever.
Derrick Beckles
Jeff married my friend Heather. She's a fucking HILARIOUS comedian who has this disgusting joke about how her mom discovered her bald spot when they were spooning one night. Heather Lawless- check her out on the Googles. Anyhow, I wish I had a picture of them together so you could see how cute they are. They got married in the Smoky Mountains. I missed the wedding because I was on tour which I'm still bummed about it.
Awkward, terrible photo of Zach Galifanakis. You may know him from his work, like being the funniest human being on earth and being the most hilarious person in the entire world.
Demetri blurbed the back of my book! Thanks Demetri! Oh PS- he's about to be the lead in the new Ang Lee movie. You should probably try to be his girlfriend now, before he gets famous (he has a girlfriend at present, so don't tell her what I said, theenks).
There were tons of people at David's birthday and 99% of them were funny Jews, but I wasn't in the blogging mood so those are pretty much all the pics I took that night.
Next up: Ramona
After David's we went to Ramona's birthday party down the street, where there were infinity people. Ramona is my only close friend who is EXTREMELY popular. This means I can't go anywhere with her without being stopped every two minutes by one of her fans, and all meals include her head being buried in her Blackberry which pings every 30 seconds. The upside is that in between all that shit she'll look at you and either say something that you'll want to start saying from then on, or she'll complain about someone in a way that makes you wee yourself laughing. Its all fun with Mones, but the thing I love about her most is that she's really a loyal and true friend to her close few. More on her birthday later.
Next up: Gemma
After Ramona's jam we went to Gemma's birthday party, which was also a RAGER. It was in the Financial District at this Chinese Banquet Hall called The China Chalet. Pretty much the coolest place I've been to since Paradise Vacations closed. Remember that spot, New York? Gemma's theme was a pink party.
Jazz piano bar with formal cocktails in the front
Raging dance party with excellent jams in the back
You can't make fun of a costume. Its not funny.
Ended the night at Lit where it smells not okay
Free Simon
Oh my! Look how cute Jack looks in this picture! Doesn't he look like one of little pantomime dolls with the porcelain faces and the silk bodies? You little peanut. His website The Skullset is linked on this site under The Young and The Restless. Jack takes beautiful photos of everyone but me. Theeeenks Jack!
Another long entry by Aviva Yael
PS- I'm going to be on MTV Live today. If I get a clip I'll post it. Later dudes! Call the vets in your family if you have any. Thank them for serving, even if you don't support the armed services. And say hi to the sailors that are here for Fleet Week if you're in New York, poor things.
DAMN, you OLD now Letroy! Good thing your mom doesn't have a mere crease much less a wrinkle. I mean look at your blackass. You tan into another race and not one tiny crows foot. I predict graceful aging for you my friend.
Sephardic Jews are lucky because their swarthy, olive-oil infused skin has learned to withstand thousands of years under the sun as merchants on the Iberian Peninsula. An Ashkenazi Jew, on the other hand, will age into a blue-tinged sack of potatoes. Note to all possible future boyfriends: I will not suffer from this race-wide affliction. I know because I watch my mother like a hawk.
Moving along, I organized a last minute birthday party at David's favorite bar in all of Manhattan: 2A. I think he likes it because its the closest bar to his house and its never a scene. Once the kids with creative sunglasses discover a bar it turns into a sack of shit. Other East Village dives you can hide in include the Cherry Tavern, Doc Holiday's and the Tile Bar. The Magician sucks too, so you and your pals can enjoy pint-sharing without being forced to read ironically t-shirted tits. That's OUR job, thank you! (see below)
Look at that happy birthday face! And those ironically t-shirted tits!
Gavin is David's mancrush
Carrie and Miriam both live in the same building as David. Way back when America's Next Top Model was new and exciting trashy television, we'd have ANTM parties at David's on his poker night. More like chick chat sesh night! On a side note, Carrie has THE BEST parties. Most recently she had an Ice Cream Social, which is the best vibe ever.
Derrick Beckles
Jeff married my friend Heather. She's a fucking HILARIOUS comedian who has this disgusting joke about how her mom discovered her bald spot when they were spooning one night. Heather Lawless- check her out on the Googles. Anyhow, I wish I had a picture of them together so you could see how cute they are. They got married in the Smoky Mountains. I missed the wedding because I was on tour which I'm still bummed about it.
Awkward, terrible photo of Zach Galifanakis. You may know him from his work, like being the funniest human being on earth and being the most hilarious person in the entire world.
Demetri blurbed the back of my book! Thanks Demetri! Oh PS- he's about to be the lead in the new Ang Lee movie. You should probably try to be his girlfriend now, before he gets famous (he has a girlfriend at present, so don't tell her what I said, theenks).
There were tons of people at David's birthday and 99% of them were funny Jews, but I wasn't in the blogging mood so those are pretty much all the pics I took that night.
Next up: Ramona
After David's we went to Ramona's birthday party down the street, where there were infinity people. Ramona is my only close friend who is EXTREMELY popular. This means I can't go anywhere with her without being stopped every two minutes by one of her fans, and all meals include her head being buried in her Blackberry which pings every 30 seconds. The upside is that in between all that shit she'll look at you and either say something that you'll want to start saying from then on, or she'll complain about someone in a way that makes you wee yourself laughing. Its all fun with Mones, but the thing I love about her most is that she's really a loyal and true friend to her close few. More on her birthday later.
Next up: Gemma
After Ramona's jam we went to Gemma's birthday party, which was also a RAGER. It was in the Financial District at this Chinese Banquet Hall called The China Chalet. Pretty much the coolest place I've been to since Paradise Vacations closed. Remember that spot, New York? Gemma's theme was a pink party.
Jazz piano bar with formal cocktails in the front
Raging dance party with excellent jams in the back
You can't make fun of a costume. Its not funny.
Ended the night at Lit where it smells not okay
Free Simon
Oh my! Look how cute Jack looks in this picture! Doesn't he look like one of little pantomime dolls with the porcelain faces and the silk bodies? You little peanut. His website The Skullset is linked on this site under The Young and The Restless. Jack takes beautiful photos of everyone but me. Theeeenks Jack!
Another long entry by Aviva Yael
PS- I'm going to be on MTV Live today. If I get a clip I'll post it. Later dudes! Call the vets in your family if you have any. Thank them for serving, even if you don't support the armed services. And say hi to the sailors that are here for Fleet Week if you're in New York, poor things.
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