Can you guys please start emailing me advice questions? I wanna hear about all the stupid people who ruin your lives in tiny little ways and tell you what to do about it. That is why my email is GIMMIE THE GOSS. Give me the goddamn gossip. If you want to remain anonymous that's fine, but seriously I need you readers to start telling me about your Dealbreakers. Could end up in a little Chicken Soup for the Soul-style book. Kidding! Not about the book... just about the Chicken Soup bullshit.
Hey! I actually went to that cornball Jack Canfield's house one time (I know his son Kyle who hates me and has always hated me since the day we met, long story). He is very, very filthy stinking rich and lives in Santa Barbara. Have you ever read Chicken Soup for the Hip Hop Soul? YOWCH! I got embarassed just looking at it in the bookstore. Then again, I was swimming in the pool that was paid for by such helpful, healing literature.
You know what else kills me as a "writer"? You know those little books and calendars called "Bad Cat" and "Bad Dog" that are just pictures of people's pets in costumes? The three pals who put those cheesewhiz books together are fucking Bill Gates rich from those things. I got a copy of Bad Dog for Christmas last year froma neighbor and I look at it every day. I leave it out so I can see it EVERY morning as motivation to write my book(s). Most people have little buddhas and meaningful quotes and other sentimental or spiritual symbols around their homes to remind them of their goals. But not Veevs. I have a copy of Bad Dog on my dining room table.
But just so you don't think I'm a total loser, I also have a hand-written letter from my Jewish lady hero, Diane Von Furstenburg. It says on her letterhead:
Dear Aviva:
Thank you for your enthusiasm. Passion is what makes dreams come true. Hope to meet you soon.
Love,
Diane
And less than one year later I came to New York and got to work for her, an experience I will never forget. So to all you writers out there, just work your buns off. Even if you are writing an incredibly stupes book with pictures of O.P.P.s (Other People's Pets).
And to the rest of you readers, send me questions about ANYTHING and I will answer you, promise. Thank you!
xoxo
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sad Veevers
Hi Pals. First let me say that this entry is going to be a wee touch gloomy due to the bleak subject matter, so the chances of me sharing something entertaining and witty with you are going to be slim. Just a head's up.
I've been in New Orleans visiting Mrs. Veevers all week for her birthday. My mom used to be a total babe. Now she's just a cute little old lady. Its actually kind of weird. I'm scared that my parents are getting old. My family is the first priority in my life, so the thought of them having aches and shrinking makes lil Veevers heart break a tiny bit. Here's my mom now:
First thing we did was grab some breakfast and go look at the houses in the 9th Ward that were lost in Katrina. Sorry to tell you guys about sad stuff, but truth is we lost alot in the Hurricane. Our family photographs, letters, jewelry, heirlooms, paintings, family articles and written history, my mom's beautiful clothing, and lots of important places from my childhood are gone forever. I'm not sad anymore, but when I think about all the sentimental stuff I won't be able to pass along to my future kids from our lineage I get angry. On the upside, New Orleans still has an ethnocentric pride and mini-nationalism that makes the French look like a bunch of traitors. My mom is super happy living here, which is good for me because I can visit whenever I want.
Crawfish Etouffe over hash browns and eggs. Cajun deliciousness. New Orleans for me is basically a food vacation.
After breakfast we went to look at sad stuff (pictured below). You can see the FEMA codes spray-painted on the front of each house. They tell you how many dead bodies and/or animals were found inside. There are still floodlines stained into the sides of closed businesses and abandoned homes all over the city. As we drove through the damage I thought about those old people who sat on their rooftops for days and days waiting for helicopters, boats and food that didn't come. I know its old news and we've moved on, but I was seeing this stuff for the first time. Are you catching my gloomy vibes yet?
You can see straight through to the back of the house. A pink rusty carcass.
We should probably stop being mad that we're not famous and Jessica Alba isn't our girlfriend and that our roommate is a pig.
To take our minds off of the hurricane, we decided to go shopping. There's tons of this stuff everywhere:
We never see this crap in New York. Old ladies would get shot for carrying such items in their stores. However, its really no biggie down here. These special items are collectible. Owwie! Guess maybe it isn't the best time to tell you guys that I went to a plantation. Two, actually. Sawry!
The trees were a big part of my life when I was wee. I used to love staring up at the Spanish Moss. I thought that tumbleweeds were fallen knots of moss until I finally asked my dad about it in third grade. My mom would read to me under the Weeping Willows in Audubon Park. When we moved Uptown I'd walk home from school past Persimmon trees and Plumbago bushes. We used to be scared of the stinging furry caterpillars that fell from the leaves once a year. We'd squish them and watch their black bodies burst open like paint tubes, covering the sidewalks with their bright orange guts.
They say the Oaks hold the history of the South in them. You can hear ghosts in the trees and whispers in the cemetaries. If you don't believe me take a walk through a raised cemetary or around a plantation when you visit. I got the heebs being around those slave quarters. Alot of trees are missing here now because of the hurricane. City Park looks like someone swept it with poison. Its nearly barren in some areas. Ugh. Maybe I shouldn't try to write when I'm bummed out about natural disaster, history, and Strange Fruits. I'll try again tomorrow.
xo
Aviva
I've been in New Orleans visiting Mrs. Veevers all week for her birthday. My mom used to be a total babe. Now she's just a cute little old lady. Its actually kind of weird. I'm scared that my parents are getting old. My family is the first priority in my life, so the thought of them having aches and shrinking makes lil Veevers heart break a tiny bit. Here's my mom now:
First thing we did was grab some breakfast and go look at the houses in the 9th Ward that were lost in Katrina. Sorry to tell you guys about sad stuff, but truth is we lost alot in the Hurricane. Our family photographs, letters, jewelry, heirlooms, paintings, family articles and written history, my mom's beautiful clothing, and lots of important places from my childhood are gone forever. I'm not sad anymore, but when I think about all the sentimental stuff I won't be able to pass along to my future kids from our lineage I get angry. On the upside, New Orleans still has an ethnocentric pride and mini-nationalism that makes the French look like a bunch of traitors. My mom is super happy living here, which is good for me because I can visit whenever I want.
Crawfish Etouffe over hash browns and eggs. Cajun deliciousness. New Orleans for me is basically a food vacation.After breakfast we went to look at sad stuff (pictured below). You can see the FEMA codes spray-painted on the front of each house. They tell you how many dead bodies and/or animals were found inside. There are still floodlines stained into the sides of closed businesses and abandoned homes all over the city. As we drove through the damage I thought about those old people who sat on their rooftops for days and days waiting for helicopters, boats and food that didn't come. I know its old news and we've moved on, but I was seeing this stuff for the first time. Are you catching my gloomy vibes yet?
You can see straight through to the back of the house. A pink rusty carcass.
We should probably stop being mad that we're not famous and Jessica Alba isn't our girlfriend and that our roommate is a pig.To take our minds off of the hurricane, we decided to go shopping. There's tons of this stuff everywhere:
We never see this crap in New York. Old ladies would get shot for carrying such items in their stores. However, its really no biggie down here. These special items are collectible. Owwie! Guess maybe it isn't the best time to tell you guys that I went to a plantation. Two, actually. Sawry!
The trees were a big part of my life when I was wee. I used to love staring up at the Spanish Moss. I thought that tumbleweeds were fallen knots of moss until I finally asked my dad about it in third grade. My mom would read to me under the Weeping Willows in Audubon Park. When we moved Uptown I'd walk home from school past Persimmon trees and Plumbago bushes. We used to be scared of the stinging furry caterpillars that fell from the leaves once a year. We'd squish them and watch their black bodies burst open like paint tubes, covering the sidewalks with their bright orange guts. They say the Oaks hold the history of the South in them. You can hear ghosts in the trees and whispers in the cemetaries. If you don't believe me take a walk through a raised cemetary or around a plantation when you visit. I got the heebs being around those slave quarters. Alot of trees are missing here now because of the hurricane. City Park looks like someone swept it with poison. Its nearly barren in some areas. Ugh. Maybe I shouldn't try to write when I'm bummed out about natural disaster, history, and Strange Fruits. I'll try again tomorrow.
xo
Aviva
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Potpourri of Facts
Fact 1: Dinner Club is super neato still!
Dinner Club was really fun this time. It was the first time there were more guys than girls, and we had a delicious meal at a Persian restaurant in the Carpet District. The best thing on the menu wasn't available:
Slow cooked boneless chicken Fesenjan with crushed walnuts, cooked in pomegranate paste, over saffron and black cherry-infused rice. YUUUMMMM!!!!
This week's guests:
Tasha Cain, Robyn, Matt Lenski, Scott Selby (Todd's darling brother), Wyatt Neumann, Jeremy Sirota and Danika Underhill, Maya Hayuk and her boyfriend Andrew, and I feel like I forgot someone. Anyhow, next Dinner Club I'll have pictures for you since I finally bought a new camera. That should help beef up the blog a bit. Maya gave me her new book and an outfit she designed for Reebok as part of their special arty farty collection. It has magical rainbow stitching on it. Here she is incase you want to see pictures of hairy people in hottubs and some 70's style 69'ing: www.mayahayuk.com
Fact 2: Project Runway is neato too also!
Nina Garcia: Professional Meanie
Lil Mikey Kors: The Smartest Queen in the Room
Joey Fatone is one of the contestants!
So after all that hype about Simone LeBlanc (the chick who tortured me in high school) being on Project Runway, and after scrambling home with Tasha from Dinner Club to see how she would fight her way through the new nail-biting, seat-gripping season, Simone gets knocked off in the first episode. This sucks for two reasons. One, I barely got a chance to watch her go down. Two, now the show is going to be a little less fun to watch. You know how parties start to fizzle when the cute guy leaves? That kind of less fun. After the cute guy exits you're mostly just stuck avoiding all the leftovers til your friends take you home. Simone was sort of Tasha's and my cute guy. Oh well let's talk about how I haven't been to any good house parties this year.*
Parties are just awkward stews that consist of four basic ingredients:
1) beverages
2) dancing
3) pee pee lines
4) people trying to touch other people's privates with their privates
The only time parties are actually fun for me is when Justin is wasted, someone is miraculously making me laugh hard, or I'm in the midst of a tantalizing convo with a stranger (never happens). House parties don't exist in Manhattan and I'm not dragging my ass out to Brooklyn on the off chance that I might fall into a deliriously jazzy game of Taboo with a bunch of hot people.
Fact 3: Sean Penn is douchier than that douchefight that Jeremy Piven and Stephen Dorff had at the douche hub Bungalow 8.
I'm tired of according Sean Penn eternal immunity all these years just because he's Spicolli, used to beat Madonna, and worked his magic acting skills in Bad Boys. His safety blanket is gone, now that he's torched it by making Into the Wild. I hated that movie more than I hate Jeremy Piven. Who needs to sit through a melodramatic tale about a selfish, uninteresting, self-indulgent, arrogant, naive little brat who accomplished nothing more than ruining his parents' lives? Oh no, your parents were mediocre and you had a case of standard suburban angst? Boo hoo you little twerp.
That movie was more patronizing than getting a pat on the head for giving someone a BJ. Why did that leisurely hippie get to have his life story told? I'll tell you why... because Jon Krakauer is a fucking great writer. Sean Penn, you get the "Over-the-Top-Cliche-Condescending-and-Linear-Tale-Telling-Award" that Spike Lee has held for his entire career with the exception of Clockers and When The Levees Broke. So FuYu Sean Penn, you have flushed Colors and your Oscars down the terlet.
Wow. I need a nap after that tangent.
* disclaimer: Gavin and Emily had a fun July 4th party on their roof this year, but they live in Brooklyn so it doesn't count. Also, Teddy has a huge loft in Soho that The Virgins played at this summer for his wife's fake Sweet Sixteen party. She wore a bikini and a tiara (so rad). It was catered by those bros on the Food Network who have that show "Two Dudes Catering," but I had to leave early with the band for their show that night, so that party doesn't count either.
Dinner Club was really fun this time. It was the first time there were more guys than girls, and we had a delicious meal at a Persian restaurant in the Carpet District. The best thing on the menu wasn't available:
Slow cooked boneless chicken Fesenjan with crushed walnuts, cooked in pomegranate paste, over saffron and black cherry-infused rice. YUUUMMMM!!!!
This week's guests:
Tasha Cain, Robyn, Matt Lenski, Scott Selby (Todd's darling brother), Wyatt Neumann, Jeremy Sirota and Danika Underhill, Maya Hayuk and her boyfriend Andrew, and I feel like I forgot someone. Anyhow, next Dinner Club I'll have pictures for you since I finally bought a new camera. That should help beef up the blog a bit. Maya gave me her new book and an outfit she designed for Reebok as part of their special arty farty collection. It has magical rainbow stitching on it. Here she is incase you want to see pictures of hairy people in hottubs and some 70's style 69'ing: www.mayahayuk.com
Fact 2: Project Runway is neato too also!
Nina Garcia: Professional Meanie
Lil Mikey Kors: The Smartest Queen in the Room
Joey Fatone is one of the contestants!
So after all that hype about Simone LeBlanc (the chick who tortured me in high school) being on Project Runway, and after scrambling home with Tasha from Dinner Club to see how she would fight her way through the new nail-biting, seat-gripping season, Simone gets knocked off in the first episode. This sucks for two reasons. One, I barely got a chance to watch her go down. Two, now the show is going to be a little less fun to watch. You know how parties start to fizzle when the cute guy leaves? That kind of less fun. After the cute guy exits you're mostly just stuck avoiding all the leftovers til your friends take you home. Simone was sort of Tasha's and my cute guy. Oh well let's talk about how I haven't been to any good house parties this year.*
Parties are just awkward stews that consist of four basic ingredients:
1) beverages
2) dancing
3) pee pee lines
4) people trying to touch other people's privates with their privates
The only time parties are actually fun for me is when Justin is wasted, someone is miraculously making me laugh hard, or I'm in the midst of a tantalizing convo with a stranger (never happens). House parties don't exist in Manhattan and I'm not dragging my ass out to Brooklyn on the off chance that I might fall into a deliriously jazzy game of Taboo with a bunch of hot people.
Fact 3: Sean Penn is douchier than that douchefight that Jeremy Piven and Stephen Dorff had at the douche hub Bungalow 8.
I'm tired of according Sean Penn eternal immunity all these years just because he's Spicolli, used to beat Madonna, and worked his magic acting skills in Bad Boys. His safety blanket is gone, now that he's torched it by making Into the Wild. I hated that movie more than I hate Jeremy Piven. Who needs to sit through a melodramatic tale about a selfish, uninteresting, self-indulgent, arrogant, naive little brat who accomplished nothing more than ruining his parents' lives? Oh no, your parents were mediocre and you had a case of standard suburban angst? Boo hoo you little twerp.
That movie was more patronizing than getting a pat on the head for giving someone a BJ. Why did that leisurely hippie get to have his life story told? I'll tell you why... because Jon Krakauer is a fucking great writer. Sean Penn, you get the "Over-the-Top-Cliche-Condescending-and-Linear-Tale-Telling-Award" that Spike Lee has held for his entire career with the exception of Clockers and When The Levees Broke. So FuYu Sean Penn, you have flushed Colors and your Oscars down the terlet.
Wow. I need a nap after that tangent.
* disclaimer: Gavin and Emily had a fun July 4th party on their roof this year, but they live in Brooklyn so it doesn't count. Also, Teddy has a huge loft in Soho that The Virgins played at this summer for his wife's fake Sweet Sixteen party. She wore a bikini and a tiara (so rad). It was catered by those bros on the Food Network who have that show "Two Dudes Catering," but I had to leave early with the band for their show that night, so that party doesn't count either.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Hi, remember me?
I've been dealing with freelance projects as well as a legal and logistical nightmare with my book, so haven't been in the mood to tell you about anything. With the exception of almost daily lunch meetings, I've done a lot of staying in. I've taken on a lot of freelance jobs but I can't find the time to do them all. Its becoming a problem.
I did manage to go outside a few times, however. Here are some innocuous highlights:
- Went to a teeny tiny comedy show where the surprise guest was Sarah Silverman! It was both awesome and painful to watch her perform for 32 people with 4 empty front rows. She's pretty.
- Read a fascinating book about Gary Kasparov, then saw him on Bill Maher same day I finished the book. I love coinkydinks! Did you know that there is actually a technique in chess called "Gangster Chess" and its not what old men play in the park? Look it up, stupes.
- Wrote a letter to the funniest person in the world, the writer of the now defunct veiledconceit.com and begged him to start writing again. Haven't heard back, weird.
- Ate at Kama and Alain's new restaurant Bocaro four times in two weeks. I'm obsessed. Also, make sure you take your next date to Little Owl for dinner. My new favorite restaurant!!!
- Looked up my very first ever boyfriend in high school on MySpace (um, yeah I'm aware that that its crazy but don't care). Whatever. I always wondered what happened to the dude I lost my virginity to. For a moment when I realized I could see his profile I got all nervous nells. I haven't seen him since I was 17 and at the time thought we would move to some remote beach and live in his surf hut happily ever after. To my great disappointment I learned that he grew up into someone whose favorite bands include Sublime, The Black Eyed Peas and Paul Oakenfold. Jesus guy, take it easy on me. His profile includes a sincere note "to those West African bank account scammers out there" to leave him alone. wtf? Anyhow, total boner killer.
- In my anticipation of Proj Run Season 4 tonight, I logged onto BravoTV and did preliminary research on the contestants, and guess what? I know Simone from high school! She was super pretty and I was always jealous of her cute clothes. I remember that she was really stuck up and snobby, which is weird for a fat chick. You heard me. She was also best friends with Zoe Strauss, who terrorized me until senior year.
Tasha reminded me that one night at a party Simone and Zoe said some Mean Girls thing along the lines of "you can kiss your social life goodbye, Avivaaaaa." Needless to say I'll be tuning in extra this season. Personality update: a couple of years ago Tasha ran into Simone backstage at a Chanel show in Paris and she was really nice. Stupid fat bitch. I kid! I'm sure she's grown into a lovely young woman.
SFB pictured left
As you can probably tell from these "highlights" I need to get out more.
I'm hosting my Dinner Club tonight. We're trying Persian in the Carpet Disctrict followed by a Project Runway sesh. Also, make sure you watch Gossip Girl tonight because The Virgins have all 5 songs from their EP on the show. Its Sex & The City meets Cruel Intentions for teenagers.
I did manage to go outside a few times, however. Here are some innocuous highlights:
- Went to a teeny tiny comedy show where the surprise guest was Sarah Silverman! It was both awesome and painful to watch her perform for 32 people with 4 empty front rows. She's pretty.
- Read a fascinating book about Gary Kasparov, then saw him on Bill Maher same day I finished the book. I love coinkydinks! Did you know that there is actually a technique in chess called "Gangster Chess" and its not what old men play in the park? Look it up, stupes.
- Wrote a letter to the funniest person in the world, the writer of the now defunct veiledconceit.com and begged him to start writing again. Haven't heard back, weird.
- Ate at Kama and Alain's new restaurant Bocaro four times in two weeks. I'm obsessed. Also, make sure you take your next date to Little Owl for dinner. My new favorite restaurant!!!
- Looked up my very first ever boyfriend in high school on MySpace (um, yeah I'm aware that that its crazy but don't care). Whatever. I always wondered what happened to the dude I lost my virginity to. For a moment when I realized I could see his profile I got all nervous nells. I haven't seen him since I was 17 and at the time thought we would move to some remote beach and live in his surf hut happily ever after. To my great disappointment I learned that he grew up into someone whose favorite bands include Sublime, The Black Eyed Peas and Paul Oakenfold. Jesus guy, take it easy on me. His profile includes a sincere note "to those West African bank account scammers out there" to leave him alone. wtf? Anyhow, total boner killer.
- In my anticipation of Proj Run Season 4 tonight, I logged onto BravoTV and did preliminary research on the contestants, and guess what? I know Simone from high school! She was super pretty and I was always jealous of her cute clothes. I remember that she was really stuck up and snobby, which is weird for a fat chick. You heard me. She was also best friends with Zoe Strauss, who terrorized me until senior year.
Tasha reminded me that one night at a party Simone and Zoe said some Mean Girls thing along the lines of "you can kiss your social life goodbye, Avivaaaaa." Needless to say I'll be tuning in extra this season. Personality update: a couple of years ago Tasha ran into Simone backstage at a Chanel show in Paris and she was really nice. Stupid fat bitch. I kid! I'm sure she's grown into a lovely young woman.
SFB pictured left
As you can probably tell from these "highlights" I need to get out more.
I'm hosting my Dinner Club tonight. We're trying Persian in the Carpet Disctrict followed by a Project Runway sesh. Also, make sure you watch Gossip Girl tonight because The Virgins have all 5 songs from their EP on the show. Its Sex & The City meets Cruel Intentions for teenagers.
Friday, November 2, 2007
My Crush
I have a photography crush on Jamie Taete, which means that I really have a crush on his life. Or at least his eyes. He is 20 and lives in London, and I want him to be rich and famous someday. Here is a sampling of his life, which someday I will join, in a bar, on a drinking binge in some sad pub somewhere:
www.jamietaete.blogspot.com/
www.jamietaete.blogspot.com/
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